Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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