He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
