I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
