Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
