Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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