Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
