Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
