Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize