this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
