my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
