it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
