I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
