...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
