dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
