I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
