they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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