i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
