mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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