i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
