girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
