i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
