I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
