Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
a search helicopter?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
