Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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