im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
