kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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