Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How external is "for external use only"?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
