Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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