Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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