It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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