is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ttyl tear gas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
