is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just want nice things and good sex
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
