Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize