ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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