Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
