M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
