Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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