I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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