They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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