It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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