Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
