Farmville is her only friend.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
