Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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