His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
