its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
