when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
