im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
