I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
