Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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