he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
