she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Randomize
