she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
