I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
