I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
