You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize