Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
