so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
