I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
