Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize