First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
