i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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