I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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