Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
