I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
