why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
