I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
