Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
