yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Help. Why am I so naked?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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