I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
