These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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