Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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