who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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