People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
