Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
