You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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