I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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