I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
