Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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