billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
